Funny Divorce Quotes

Funny Divorce Quotes
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Funny Divorce Quotes With Pictures That Will Make You Laugh And Giggle All Day Long. All Quotes Come With Shareable Pictures. Enjoy.

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funny divorce quotes

You know why divorces are so expensive? Because they’re worth it | Henry Youngman

funny splitting quotes

To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy Mansion for a while | James Caan

Johnny Carson quotes

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money | Johnny Carson

divorce affirmations

Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That’s scary. If the smartest guy in the world can’t figure out women, we’re screwed | Jay Leno

Gonzo quotes

My wife and I are preemptively making a list of whose side we’ll take when all our friends get divorced | Gonzo

funny divorce reasons

Whoever said Marriage is a 50-50 proposition laid the foundation for more divorce fees than any other short sentence in our language | Austin Elliot

funny divorce quotes

Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with? | Rita Rudner

Jack Benny sayings

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never | Jack Benny

Funny Divorce Jokes Continue

funny break up jokes

I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year | Bette Davis

divorce sayings

I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her | Woody Allen

ZsaZsa Gabor quotes

You always wanted a clean tidy home | ZsaZsa Gabor

break up blessings

Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you live through it, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left | Jean Kerr

funny marriage sayings

Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do | Zsa Zsa Gabor

funny divorce quotes

I got divorced recently. It was a mixed marriage. I’m human, he’s Klingon | Carol Leifer

Roseanne Barr jokes

I’m not upset about my divorce. I’m only upset I’m not a widow | Roseanne Barr

More Break Up Quotes Bellow

funny relationship sayings

I bequeath all my property to my wife on the condition that she remarry immediately. Then there will be at least one man to regret my death | Heinrich Heine

silly divorce reasons

When I got divorced, it was group sex. My wife screwed me in front of the jury | Rodney Dangerfield

P.J. O'Rourke quotes

Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce | P.J. O’Rourke

Robin Williams divorce quotes

Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet | Robin Williams

Craig Ferguson sayings

Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing | Craig Ferguson

funny divorce Quotes

You don’t know a women till you’ve met her in court | Norman Mailer

Margaret Atwood affirmations

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there’s less of you | Margaret Atwood

More Quotes From Us

8 Funny Divorce Sayings To Go

marriage quotes

Half of all marriages end in divorce- and then there are the really unhappy ones | Joan Rivers

funny quotes

Instead of getting married again, I’m just going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house | Lewis Grizzard

divorce reasons image

The happiest time of anyone’s life is just after the first divorce | John Kenneth Galbraith

J. B. Handelsman sayings

Just another of our many disagreements. He wants a no-fault divorce, whereas I would prefer to have the bastard crucified | J. B. Handelsman

mother advise break up

My mother always said don’t marry for money, divorce for money. | Wendy Liebman

funny divorce quotes

Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass | Mary Kay Blakely

A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce | Don Quinn

Dave Barry

Today, it is easier to get divorced in most states than to get a transmission repaired properly | Dave Barry

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