What Are The Characteristics Of A MANIPULATIVE Person?
In today’s post, we explore some of the characteristics that a manipulative person has. It is normal that we all want to meet the different needs we have, but there are people who use insidious ways to achieve that. Manipulators achieve this with deceptive, insulting, indirect tactics. Sometimes they seem harmless or even lovely and flattering, as if they have only your well-being in mind, but in reality, they just want to achieve their hidden goal.
In other cases, the manipulation is based on a hostile attitude, and when manipulators use malicious techniques, the manipulation is mainly aimed at establishing power. Sometimes you don’t even realize that someone is intimidating you.
If you have been the victim of manipulation during your growing up, it can also be difficult to see what is happening, since everything seems familiar to you. There may be a feeling of discomfort, anger, or intuition telling you that something is wrong, but the manipulator seems so nice and pleasant to you, everything he says is reasonable, so you leave your intuition aside and indulge in guilt and pity which he provokes in you. Then you are disarmed.
People who try to please others, non-assertive individuals dependent on other people, often have trouble speaking out and telling someone directly everything they want and that is why they often use various manipulative techniques to achieve their goal. Also, these same individuals are excellent prey for manipulators who have narcissistic, borderline personality, sociopaths, and other personality disorders, including addicts.
Below, you have some of the most known characteristics of manipulative people.
18 Manipulative Person Characteristics
- He transfers his responsibility to others or does not acknowledge their contribution.
- He does not state his demands, needs, feelings and attitudes clearly.
- Very often he answers quite vaguely.
- He changes attitudes, behaviors and feelings, depending on what situation he’s in.
- Relying on legitimate reasons, he conceals the fact that these are in fact his claims.
- He convinces you that you need to be perfect and lets you know how far you are from it.
- Doubt your qualities, competence and personality: criticizes, belittles and evaluates you.
- Sends messages through other people or some other means, instead of direct contact.
- He sows discord and fuels doubt, that is, it creates discord in order to rule more easily.
- He knows how to present himself as a victim to pity him – passive aggression.
- Neglects your requirements.
- Use the fact that you and the people around you have developed moral principles.
- He uses blackmail. That’s his comfort zone.
- He wants to get to the truth through lies, he also distorts and pretends.
- He does not submit criticism and denies evidence.
- Often uses the last minute to request, order, or delegate a task.
- When he want to be liked, he flatters you, gives gifts and is attentive to you.
- Achieves his goals effectively, but most often at your expense or at the expense of others.
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Tactics used by a Manipulative person
Manipulators often use guilt when they directly or indirectly say things like “After everything I’ve done for you” or when they act like someone who constantly needs help and support. They can also compare you to someone in a negative context, or invent people who supposedly support their story, saying that “everyone” or “even XY person thinks the same”.
Some manipulators deny promises, agreements, and conversations, or start a discussion and blame you for something you did not do, in order to provoke pity and feel powerful. Parents are already routinely manipulating bribery – from “To get chocolate, you have to eat dinner first”, all the way to “You won’t play video games if you don’t do your homework”.
Manipulators often make their assumptions about your intentions and beliefs and then react to them as if they were correct, thus confirming what they imagined and justifying their actions and reactions. At the same time, they do not allow you to provide any explanation to dissuade them. They often act in accordance with agreements that have not even been made, thus preventing you from interfering with their actions.
The “foot in the door” strategy means looking for a small service that you agree to, followed by a real big request. You are more likely not to reject the request because you have already agreed. When manipulators change the direction of the conversation, it means that they twist your words to sound like something you didn’t want to say at all.
When you resent or simply point it out to the manipulator, they take on the role of the injured party. At that moment, they are the main protagonists of any story, and it is up to you to justify yourself. False worries and false warnings that are for your good are used to sabotage your decisions and your self-confidence.
Emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation that actually falls under emotional abuse. It can include anger, intimidation, threats, embarrassment, or guilt. Shame is a method of gaining self-doubt, after which you feel insecure. She can come disguised even as a compliment: “You’re the last person I expected something like that from.”
One of the classic tricks is intimidation with threats, anger, accusations, or serious warnings: “In those years, you will never meet anyone else if you leave now” or “Grass is not green there”. They often pretend to be a victim: “I will die without you”. Blackmailers can also intimidate you with their anger so that you can sacrifice your needs and desires.
If they fail to do so, they suddenly stop being aggressive and become extremely pleasant. Then “a stone falls from your heart” and you feel relief, so you are ready to agree to everything that is asked of you. Manipulators can also look at something that makes you feel guilty or ashamed, and then pose as if they are doing you a favor: “I will tell the children [something that works in your favor] if you don’t do what I want.”
Victims of blackmailers with certain personality disorders, such as borderline or narcissistic, tend to experience psychological shock, an acronym coined by Susan Forward, which means FOG – Fear, Obligation, Guilt. The person is too scared to oppose the manipulator, feels obliged to fulfill his request, and then feels guilty if he does not do so.
Shame and guilt can be used directly with accusations that you are selfish (which is the worst thing that can be said to people with a dependent personality) and that you “think only of yourself.”
Passive-aggressive behavior can also be used as a form of manipulation. When you have trouble saying “No”, you will probably agree to do something you don’t like. However, you will try to ignore the obligation to the other, you will be late, or you will do the task superficially, in a hurry. Typically, passive aggression is a way of expressing a hostile attitude.
Supposedly forgetting in a convenient way allows you to avoid what you do not want to do, so someone else must do it – for example, forget to pick up your partner’s clothes from the chemical. Sometimes, this happens unconsciously, but it is still a way to express anger. Even more hostile is offering sweets to a person you know is on a diet.
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